This is the kind of moment which tests the practice of mindfulness and strengthens it. It isn’t a moment of high emotions of any kind. It is a moment when I am just out of sorts, feeling restless inside yet not ready to spend time with others. My mind wants to circle the things I need to get done and sitting in the moment with where I am is to sit in this unrest.
My old models of dealing with moments like this champ at the bit to kick in and take over spiraling me into anxiety. So I am calling their bluff. I am not going to fight them over this moment. I am simply going to capture them in words, unmask them, so to speak. I am not going to try to win. I am simply going to say hello to the feelings and offer them a seat and a nice chilled ice tea to cool off from all the heat outside and the heat within those parts of me, champing at the bit to get busy in so many directions that nothing would get done.
I read somewhere that writing about what we are going through makes for bad blogging. If so, then this might just have to be a bad blog moment. Only, I think of other writing friends and the guilt and drive so often held up as a problem when they have bad blog moments like this. I smile at the thought. My guilt model was spiraling me into a shut down but my lovely honest writing friends pulled me out just by the memory of sharing their words.
So today is a day when my mindful gift is simply what I am learning about mindfulness. Here is a thought out of my little day to day guide on mindfulness called “Letting Everything Become Your Teacher” by Jon Kabat-Zinn:
“As the mind develops stability and is less caught up in the content of thinking, we strengthen the mind’s ability to concentrate and to be calm. And each time we recognize a thought as a thought when it arises, and we register its content and discern the strength of its hold on us and the accuracy of its content, each time we then let go of it and come back to our breathing and to a sense of our body, we are strengthening mindfulness. We are coming to know ourselves better and becoming more accepting of ourselves, not as we would like to be but as we actually are.”