They are words that must be written
To free them from my mind
The dance of deepening
For what I let it do to me …
dɪˈpɛn dənsShow Spelled [dih-pen-duh ns] Show IPA
1. the state of relying on or needing someone or something for aid, support, or the like.
2. reliance; confidence; trust: Her complete reliability earned her our dependence.
3. an object of reliance or trust.
4. the state of being conditional or contingent on something, as through a natural or logical sequence: the dependence of an effect upon a cause.
She lies in her little sleeping nook only a turn of a head from where I sit typing these words. Tucked up against my bed I held my hand within her reach as she lay there settling in for her night at granny’s house. She touched my finger assuring herself that I was near. As she drifted off, she would turn her eyes to look at me, trusting. For these hours that she is in my care, she is dependent on me for nurture and protection.
I look at her peacefully sleeping and fill the deepen dance once more calling on my heart to risk exposure. I am fearful of this dance. Fearful of its hold on me. Fearful of the responsibility in my relationship with another. I fear and yet, it is not the awfulness I would have anticipated in the realization that I dance these steps in the life of this little girl. I remember the child I was and the steps that taught me fear. The fear inside morphs to purpose.
I have the gift of these years with her. I can choose how I use it. I can choose to listen, to love, to encourage, to share stories, to be present in any way I can help her grow into the person she was born to be.
I think of her brother, so different, each of them so early showing traits, clues to their ways of seeing and interacting with the world. And yet, I do not dance this dance with them alone. Their parents, other grandparents, aunts and uncles, acquaintances, friends, caretakers — each person who enters their lives will be a part of the dance.
My part is so small in the overall scheme of their lives. Yet, for each of these moments they depend on me I also come to depend that much more on my relationship with them. It is the mutuality of loving that our hearts yearn for those who fill it. The cords of love bind us to each other. The great choreographer has written the dance of life this way. We cannot live in relationship with others without the risk of the deepen dance.
Help me dance my steps in the lives of these two little ones in a way that lets them feel joy in the deepen dance of relationships instead of fear.
Help me to love them with open hands that do not stop them from learning steps that may carry them away from me in time.
Show me the way to model healthy relationships and respect by the way I interact with their parents and the other significant people in their lives, in my life.
Help me be present enough for them to be able to trust me in their lives, but distant enough to allow their family to develop their own rhythm.
Teach me the steps that are mine to dance on the stage of their lives so that their lives can deepen, freed to celebrate the fullness of who they come to be.
You reach across the strait that separates
Walking the sands of my boundaries
And lead me to your shore
I am no longer alone
As you welcome me within
The deepen dance
Of your full giving
*Opening and closing quotes from the poem: Deepen Dance by L.J.Andres, August, 2004
* Definition: http://dictionary.reference.com